How Conflicting Emotions Make You Stronger

Thank You Universe for the Opportunity to Practice What I Preach! lol.

For the first time in my life, I can truly say that I am living an interesting life...in the Chinese proverb sense of interesting.   

Spring has not quite sprung, but the flu season has exploded with the emergence of the novel coronavirus, COVID-19. I am going to bet that you are as tired as I am of hearing the doom and gloom associated with this virus. So, I am NOT going to spend your time or this space on the virus.  

However, the appearance of this virus has up-ended life for everyone around the world. And when life puts you in the Yahtzee cup, you have the opportunity to put some positive psychology tools into practice.

And I am no different. My life is definitely in the Yahtzee cup. The universe has given me the perfect opportunity to practice what I preach. 

It has given me the opportunity to experience an 'AND'... I am sad, disappointed, frustrated AND I am satisfied, excited, optimistic – all at the same time.

How can that be? How can I be experiencing divergent, polar opposite feelings at the same time?

Here's what's going on. I recently announced that I would be participating in a panel discussion on how I use positive psychology concepts in my work at the World Happiness Summit (WOHASU) in Miami. It's an honor to be asked to speak at this conference and of course I was excited. 

Really excited. Really, really excited.

Well, the universe had other ideas. The conference was cancelled due to the coronavirus. Bring on my sad face, my disappointed face, my angry face.

I have also been working on re-branding my coaching practice; expanding my services, creating a new logo and associated branding and having an amazing new website built.

They all turned out GREAT! And I am super happy with them all. For two years I have been 'trying on' different approaches to my coaching, trying to find what felt like the right fit. And now I feel like I have found it. It all feels comfortable and like it is what I am meant to be doing. 

So, literally in the same week, my opportunity to go to, and participate in, WOHASU disappeared AND my coaching practice has come full circle (yes, pun intended!).

This is a foundational concept of positive psychology...all emotions are valid. Being happy is NOT only experiencing positive emotions. We have to embrace, experience and accept ALL feelings and emotions, not just the pleasant ones in order to experience overall well-being and Happiness (capital H intentional). 

By learning to experience both types of emotions/feelings we become more resilient and able to bounce back from adversity. Unpleasant feelings help us recognize, appreciate and more fully experience our pleasant feelings. It also lets us know that we CAN experience these unpleasant feelings and life will be OK. We will be OK.

I am OK.

It is also the fundamental concept of Yin/Yang...seemingly opposite or contrary forces are complementary, interconnected and interdependent...we can't have one without the other.

Another benefit of experiencing my unpleasant feelings is that it keeps me in the present moment. Naming my emotions/feelings prevents me from living in the past (ruminating) or focusing on the future (worry). Study after study has shown that living in and being in the present moment increases overall well-being.  

I have to admit that this is a challenging concept to wrap your head around. It may not seem very intuitive. Simply know that it is Ok and normal to feel seemingly conflicting emotions at the same time, especially in challenging times. 

Just because times are challenging doesn’t mean that you HAVE to be miserable and push any pleasant feelings away. Embrace them all. Acknowledge them all. You will be stronger, more resilient and overall Happier for your efforts.